Signed in as:
filler@godaddy.com
About Foster Care Answers
Our Story
🌟 Mission Statement
Our Belief
A Foster Mom & Dad With Hearts to Help
Hi, I’m Kathie a foster mom with 40 years of real, hard-earned experience in the world of foster care and adoption. I’ve welcomed many children into my home and heart, each one with their own story, struggles, and spark.
Through the ups and downs, one thing has stayed the same: my belief is that every
A Foster Mom & Dad With Hearts to Help
Hi, I’m Kathie a foster mom with 40 years of real, hard-earned experience in the world of foster care and adoption. I’ve welcomed many children into my home and heart, each one with their own story, struggles, and spark.
Through the ups and downs, one thing has stayed the same: my belief is that every child deserves a safe, loving place to land and that every foster parent deserves the support and encouragement to provide that.
This blog is here because I remember what it felt like to be new, nervous, and not always sure where to turn. Whether you’re just thinking about fostering or you’ve just gotten your first placement, I want you to know:
You’re not alone.
Here, you’ll find stories, some funny, some real sad, you'll get straight answers, and support from someone who’s walked this road. No judgment. Just real talk, helpful tips, and a place to ask questions anytime.
I’m glad you’re here. Welcome to the journey.
With heart,
Kathie
Our Belief
🌟 Mission Statement
Our Belief
Through the ups and downs, one thing has stayed the same: our belief that every child deserves a safe, loving place to land, and that every foster parent deserves the support and encouragement to provide that. We will give you the REAL deal though it may not always be pretty!
Our Goal
🌟 Mission Statement
🌟 Mission Statement
Since our inception, we have helped hundreds of children find loving homes and supportive families. Our impact extends beyond the children we serve, as we also work to raise awareness about foster care and advocate for positive change in the child welfare system.
🌟 Mission Statement
🌟 Mission Statement
🌟 Mission Statement
At Foster Care Answers, we believe in the power of family.
Our mission is to empower foster families to create safe, nurturing homes for children in need. We are committed to equipping caregivers with the knowledge of their rights and the essential services they should expect from caseworkers and agencies—ensuring every child receives the care, support, and stability they deserve.
Real Talk, Real Facts
Real Life Stories From Years of Foster Parenting
Over the past 39 years, my family and I have opened our hearts and home to countless children through foster care. Some of those stories are filled with laughter, milestones, and unforgettable joy. Others are marked by heartache, hardship, and difficult choices.
Why Share These Stories?
Because foster care is real. It's not always picture-perfect, and it rarely follows a script. But it's worth it. Through the good and the bad, we've seen children grow, heal, and find hope, and we've grown with them.
What You Can Expect in This Section:
- Honest stories from our foster care journey
- The beauty and heartbreak of reunification
- Challenges raising teens with trauma
- Moments of connection with children who needed to know they were loved
- Lessons we've learned—some the hard way
- And encouragement for those thinking, “Could I do this too?”
Foster care isn’t easy. But it changes lives—including yours.
Hoarder or Holiday Hero?
The Day CPS Mistook Christmas for a Crisis!
I’m a hoarder! Who knew?
Apparently, eight kids, Christmas decorations, boxes of online orders, and a never-ending cycle of laundry means my home screams code red. At least, that’s what someone thought when they picked up the phone and called CPS.
It was a regular December day — chaotic, busy, full of joy and mild exhaustion — when the doorbell rang. I opened the door to find CPS, my licensing worker, and a police officer standing on my front step. Behind them? A delivery guy dropping off yet another box.
Dumbfounded, I asked what was going on. My worker replied that a report had been made: “possible hoarding, safety hazards due to excessive boxes.”
Excuse me… boxes?
Yes, boxes. You know, those brown cardboard things that arrive from Target, Amazon, or Walmart when you’re trying to make a magical Christmas for EIGHT kids?
The officer picked up the box the delivery guy had just left and handed it to me as they entered my house. I stood there — confused, tired, and honestly a little amused. They walked through my home, inspecting every room while I sat quietly on the couch, waiting for answers.
When they returned, the officer couldn’t stop laughing. He turned to CPS and blurted, “This is Christmas! She has eight kids! This isn’t hoarding — this is Santa’s drop-off point!”
My licensing worker put her head in her hands. CPS asked me a few basic questions like, “Do you need anything?” And at that point, both of us just started laughing. Because what else can you do?
Now, I know clutter and safety are serious concerns in foster care. I get it. But let’s be honest — we’re human. Sometimes, life happens, and baskets of laundry get tossed on the couch so we can sort through them. Sometimes pajamas don’t get folded right away. Sometimes we let the little ones help sort socks, and we end up with odd pairs for days. That’s just life with a big family.
And no, Mary Poppins doesn’t live here — unless she’s disguised as a mom juggling therapy appointments, school runs, doctor visits, caseworker drop-ins, cooking, cleaning, and gift wrapping.
The cherry on top? Turns out the Guardian ad litem (Law Guardian) was behind the report. She had asked my foster son to show her the upstairs. He looked at her wide-eyed and said, “Mom… we have a second floor?” The room erupted in laughter — everyone except her, of course.
So here’s my message to every overworked, over-judged foster parent out there: You are not alone.
We do the best we can with what we’ve got. And sometimes what we've got is a couch full of clean laundry, a house full of love, and boxes of joy waiting to be wrapped.
Keep going. You’re doing better than you think!
Behind Closed Doors: The Realities of Foster Parenting and the Call for Unity
For five years, I served as a certified MAPP trainer, teaching prospective foster parents about the realities, expectations, and responsibilities of foster care.
Before stepping into that role, I completed extensive training myself, becoming well-versed in the rules, regulations, and ethical standards required within the system. My job wasn’t just about teaching policies—it was about preparing people for the emotional, logistical, and deeply personal journey that comes with opening their home to a child in need.
Not only was I a certified MAPP trainer, I was also a full-time foster parent with a house full of children. This meant my students didn’t just get textbook knowledge; they got an unfiltered look into the day-to-day realities of foster care. They heard about the good the breakthroughs, the bonding, the joy. They also heard about the bad, the sleepless nights, the tough behaviors, the endless system red tape. And yes, they saw the ugly too—the trauma, the heartbreak, and the burnout that isn’t often talked about.
Because of this honesty, not everyone finished the course. And that was okay. Foster care isn’t a lifestyle you can step into lightly. But those who stayed? They came out stronger, wiser, and more prepared for the road ahead.
Through my MAPP training and experience, I came to fully understand the inner workings of the foster care system—both the protocols and the promises. I knew the rules. I knew what was expected of foster parents, and just as importantly, what the agency was obligated to provide. From safety regulations to support services, I was well-versed in the responsibilities on both sides.
This knowledge didn’t just make me a better foster parent, it made me an informed advocate. I could speak up not only for the children in my care, but also for fellow foster parents who didn’t always know what they were entitled to, or how to ask for it.
For two years, I also served as the Vice President of the Foster Parents Association, a role that allowed me to work directly with families facing challenges in their foster placements. We stepped in when parents were overwhelmed, frustrated, or at risk of giving up. Our mission was clear: to prevent disruptions whenever possible by offering guidance, peer support, and real solutions.
Many times, it wasn’t about changing the child, it was about empowering the caregiver with tools, encouragement, and the reminder that they weren’t alone. We saw firsthand how critical community and connection are in the foster care journey.
I also worked closely with Placement, often putting in overtime to help find safe and appropriate homes for children, sometimes even for sibling groups who needed to stay together. I saw the urgency, the last-minute calls, and the weight of trying to prevent children from sleeping in offices or being separated unnecessarily. I didn’t just do my job, I fought for these kids when the clock ran out and options were slim. Often taking these children home myself!
What many people don’t see behind the scenes is the time spent in hospital waiting rooms at 2 a.m., or answering calls from birth parents in crisis. I wasn’t just a foster parent, I became a lifeline. There were nights when biological parents, scared and arrested for drugs or other charges, called me, not for money, but for emotional support. They were terrified their children would be taken again. And despite the circumstances, they trusted me to be there.
I showed up, not to excuse their choices, but to be a steady presence for the sake of the kids. Because sometimes, the most important thing you can offer isn’t a bed or a meal, but your humanity.
I have always been a strong advocate for birth parents, and I believe they deserve support, not shame. I’ll be sharing more about that in a future blog, but for now, I just want to say this: We’re all in this together. Foster parents, birth families, agencies, and the children we care for, we are all part of the same story. And when we work together with empathy and respect, we give those children the best possible chance at healing and...and hope!
Welcome to Saving Grace
About Saving Grace...
I’ve been in the trenches of foster care for nearly 40 years.
I’ve opened my home—and my heart—to children in crisis. I’ve sat through court hearings, supervised visits, midnight trauma meltdowns, and quiet moments of healing that no one else ever sees. I’ve worked with children from all walks of life and stood alongside birth parents, walking that complicated path of hope and heartbreak.
What I’ve seen is this:
Foster parents know more than they’re given credit for.
We witness the day-to-day progress. We notice the regression after visits.
We know when a child is pretending to be okay, and when they’re screaming inside.
And yet, far too often, our voices are silenced.
We speak up when something’s wrong, and we’re told to stay in our place.
We advocate for the safety of the children in our care, and we’re seen as overstepping.
We report concerns, and we’re labeled as difficult.
We’re expected to love the children like our own, but not to fight for them like our own.
That’s not just frustrating—it’s devastating.
Because when the system fails to listen to foster parents, it’s the children who pay the price.
Sometimes with their mental health. Sometimes with another round of trauma.
And sometimes… with their lives.
Saving Grace is my answer to the silence.
This blog is for every foster parent who has seen the danger, raised the alarm, and been ignored.
It’s for every child whose warning signs were dismissed.
It’s for every family who mourned a preventable tragedy.
And it’s for those still in the fight, refusing to give up.
I’m not here to sugarcoat foster care.
I’m here to speak the truth—and hopefully, help change the system before another child becomes just another statistic.
If you’re a foster parent, a former foster youth, an advocate, or someone who believes children deserve more than lip service, welcome.
This is Saving Grace.
And this is only the beginning.
A Voice from the Front Lines of Foster Care
There’s a phrase people like to use after a tragedy strikes:
“We didn’t see this coming.”
OH, but we did!
We, the foster parents, saw it coming from miles away.
We warned them.
We begged them.
We cried for someone to listen.
And still, the system turned a blind eye… or worse, a deaf ear.
Saving Grace isn’t just a name.
It’s who we try to be, every single day.
I’ve worked with children who came into my home with nothing but trauma and fear. And I’ve also worked closely with their birth families. I’ve seen the struggle, the cycles, and the moments of both hope and heartbreak. I’ve also seen firsthand when reunification is not safe, and I’ve spoken up about it.
Too many times, my words, and the words of so many foster parents, have been ignored.
Dismissed.
Labeled as emotional or overprotective.
Even retaliated against.
And then… the worst happens.
A child is sent back into a dangerous situation.
A situation we warned them about.
And that child ends up hurt, traumatized, or worse, gone forever.
And what do they say?
“We didn’t know.”
“Everything seemed fine.”
“There were no signs.”
- Hell no, it wasn’t fine.
- We told them.
- Loudly.
- Repeatedly.
But they didn’t listen.
This blog—Saving Grace was born out of that pain.
It’s a space where the truth will not be buried with the child.
It’s where stories will be shared and voices will be amplified.
Because it’s not just my story. It’s happened to others. And it’s still happening.
So I ask:
- How many children have to die before we’re heard?
- Why must we be forced to testify after the fact, while the child is already buried in the ground?
- Why can’t we be listened to before the tragedy?
This blog exists because I’m done being silent.
And I know I’m not the only one.
Here at Saving Grace, you’ll read the hard truths. You’ll see the warning signs. You’ll hear from other foster parents like me, people in the trenches, fighting for children we love like our own.
We’re not looking for praise.
We’re demanding accountability.
We want change.
And we want to stop the next tragedy—before it’s too late.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you for listening.
Now let’s raise our voices together—loud enough that they can’t ignore us anymore.
The Kind of Foster Care I Was Meant to Do
I believe in advocating for birth parents, as long as they’re truly trying. When I see them working hard to reunite with their children, I’ll walk that path with them. Some start strong, full of gratitude and hope. But sometimes, life’s weight gets too heavy, and they disappear or slip back into old habits. It leaves children heartbroken, wondering why the people who love them aren’t fighting harder to bring them home.
What I’ve come to realize is this: some parents leave because they think their children are safer without them. They believe the foster home, our home, can offer something they can’t right now. And while that might be true in the moment, it doesn’t make it hurt any less for the child.
But then there are the others, the ones who fight with everything they’ve got. They show up to visits, complete their plans, and push through the pain. I’ve had the privilege to stand beside parents like that. We didn’t just co-parent—we became extended family. Holidays, road trips, birthday calls. We built something lasting, something rare.
That’s the kind of foster care I was meant to do.
When birth parents partner with me, when we support each other, the children thrive. They understand what’s expected, and they feel the love coming from both sides. That collaboration is where the real healing begins.
When Reunification Feels Like a Losing Battle
I’ve never been afraid of birth families, unless I was given a true reason not to trust them. When red flags appeared, I stepped back and let the caseworkers take the lead. I would never put a child in harm’s way to force a partnership that wasn’t safe. But when the situation allowed, I leaned in. I believed in working with families, not against them.
There were times I walked into agency meetings, feeling like it was me and the birth family versus the entire boardroom. No matter how far the parents had come, no matter how much progress they made, there was always a reason why it “wasn’t good enough.” I saw change. I saw commitment. I saw love. But what I said, what I witnessed firsthand, was dismissed as if it didn’t matter.
It’s infuriating. It’s disheartening. And it’s wrong.
I’ve fought hard for reunification in cases where it was the right thing to do, only to be met with resistance from the very system that claims to champion it; The same system that trains us—trains us—to work hand in hand with birth families. But sometimes, it feels like that training is nothing more than word vomit, nice on paper, ignored in practice.
This cycle drags on, sometimes for years. Children are left in limbo. Families lose hope. And foster parents like me are left wondering if we’re fighting a battle we were never meant to win.
This is not the way it’s supposed to be.
So Many Times I Spoke the Truth—But They Didn’t Listen
There were times I had to go to court, not because I wanted to, but because it was the only place left to speak the truth.
When asked if the birth parents had completed everything the agency required, I said yes. But I also made it clear: the agency did not do enough to help. They didn’t offer meaningful support to the birth families. They didn’t wrap services around the home. They didn’t equip foster parents like me with what we needed to prepare children for reunification. They just... expected it all to work out.
And when it didn’t, they blamed the families. Or us. But never themselves.
I’ve fought tooth and nail for children to go home, to be reunited, when the families were ready and deserving. It drained me. It made me question everything. What more did they want? Why wasn’t love, progress, and compliance enough? Especially when post-reunification monitoring was supposedly in place?
But I’ve also fought, just as hard, to stop reunifications that were dangerous because I KNEW THINGS, things that the agency was turning a blind eye to, things that the agency would not look in to, the same things that brought these children into care time and time again.
And again, I was ignored.
They Sent Him Back Anyway
I remember one case with such painful clarity, it haunts me still.
He was a baby boy—tiny, gentle, full of light. I loved him with every ounce of my being. He came into my home off and on for over two years. I watched him grow, I held him through night terrors, I kissed the bruises left by people who should have protected him.
There were reports. So many reports.
Bruises.
Black eyes.
Burn marks.
Cuts.
Broken bones.
Head trauma.
Multiple X-rays.
The scans showed both old and new injuries—evidence of a cycle that had never ended. The system had the proof in black and white. But still…he was sent back.
He and his siblings were returned to the same home that had already broken them.
I don’t know how to explain what that kind of betrayal feels like, to fight so hard, to show what’s happening, and to be completely ignored. To hold a child in your arms and know what the outcome will be if they are sent back, and then watch it happen anyway.
This wasn’t a mistake. It was a system choosing bureaucracy over protection. Paperwork over people. Silence over screaming truth.
And that truth still echoes.
Two months later, on a quiet Saturday morning, my licensing worker rang my doorbell. She asked to speak to me privately. We sat on the edge of my bed. And she told me the words no foster parent should ever have to hear:
He’s gone.
My baby, who never even reached his third birthday, was dead.
I think my entire community heard my scream.
Because when the system doesn’t listen—when it silences the voices of those on the front lines—children pay the price. And sometimes, that price is everything.
📣 Sign the Petition: Stand Up for Foster Care Reform
We have a petition on Change.org calling for urgent Foster Care Reform—and we need your voice. NO DONATIONS PLEASE!
Too many children are suffering under a broken system. Families are being torn apart without real support. Foster parents are overwhelmed and unsupported. And worst of all—children are being harmed, and in some tragic cases, they’re dying in the system’s care.
We believe every child deserves safety, stability, and a real chance to heal.
🖊️ Please sign and share this petition:
Let’s demand:
- Accountability and oversight for child welfare agencies
- Real support for foster families
- In-home services to prevent unnecessary removals
- Trauma-informed care and mental health services for every child in care
Every signature matters. Help us be the voice for children who can’t speak up.
#FosterCareReform #ProtectOurChildren #SystemFailure #SignThePetition
“Why Can’t My Child Be with Family?” When the System Delays What Should Be Simple Service:
Even when birth parents have completed their case plan, there are several reasons why the return of foster children might still be delayed. Here's a breakdown:
1. Court Scheduling and Legal Process
- Agencies often move slowly due to understaffing, disorganization, or lack of urgency.
- Paperwork might sit on a desk for weeks or months, especially if no one is pushing the case forward.
- There’s no accountability when workers don’t meet deadlines, and families are the ones who suffer.
- Backlogged court systems can create delays in scheduling review hearings or permanency decisions.
- Even if parents complete their case plan, the judge must still determine that reunification is in the child’s best interest. Agencies sometimes hide behind the phrase “best interest of the child” to justify delays, and that can require multiple hearings or evaluations.
- But too often, it’s not about the child—it’s about protecting the system and avoiding work or conflict.
2. Need for Stability and Slow Transitions
- Some agencies default to keeping children where they are—even if a relative is available, simply because “it’s easier” than starting the paperwork or disrupting a current placement.
- They may say things like, “We don’t want to move them again,” even when a family member is ready, willing, able and approved.
- Children often need time to transition back into the biological home, especially if they've been in care for a long period.
- Agencies may implement trial home visits or supervised reunification before full return to ensure the child is adjusting well.
3. Caseworker Documentation and Oversight
- Relatives who turn in all their paperwork, fingerprints, and home studies often don’t hear back for weeks or months.
- No one explains the hold-up. The silence feels like punishment for caring.The caseworker must document every requirement and ensure all services were completed appropriately.
- If documentation is incomplete or caseworkers are overwhelmed, things can stall, even if the plan is technically done.
4. Mental Health or Safety Concerns
- Sometimes, even when a plan is complete on paper, new concerns arise—such as mental health issues, substance relapse, or housing instability—that must be addressed before reunification.
5. Child’s Voice and Age
- For older children, courts often take into account the child’s wishes, which can delay reunification if the child is reluctant or conflicted.
- Therapists or Guardian ad Litems may recommend ongoing therapy or more time to process the transition.
6. Bureaucracy and Communication Gaps
- Miscommunication or lack of coordination between agencies (like mental health providers, courts, and caseworkers) can delay progress.
- Sometimes, foster parents are not kept in the loop, and their observations or support of the transition aren't factored in quickly.
If you’re seeing this happen in your case, it’s worth:
- Advocating for a timeline through the caseworker or GAL.
- Asking for family team meetings to review progress and remove roadblocks.
- Documenting progress and concerns from your end to help support timely, safe decisions.
7. Delays in ICPC (for Out-of-State Family
- When a relative lives in a different state, the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC) process can take months or even years, especially if there’s no one following up. ALL parties, foster parents, relatives, CASA workers, need to stay on top of this with their caseworker and supervisor. Don't let these little ones get "lost along the way".
The Truth:
Children belong with family whenever safely possible. If relatives are cleared, if parents are supportive, and if the children are lingering in foster care unnecessarily, the system is failing every single one of them.
What You Can Do:
- Document everything. Keep a timeline of when paperwork was submitted and who was contacted.
- Escalate the issue. Go above the caseworker—email supervisors, directors, even local lawmakers if needed.
- Push for a court hearing. Ask the court to review the delay in placing the child with relatives.
- Connect with an attorney or CASA worker who can raise the concern in front of a judge.
References/Referrals
Helping our Parents and Children
A few referrals with FREE Consultation
Skylar Anderson Children's Life Coach
352-409-6644
Our Mission: To provide effective coaching that empowers kids to overcome challenges, build confidence, and achieve emotional well-being by supporting them on their journey to self-discovery, resilience, self-worth, and understanding of who they are. Visit us at www.enchantingheartsllc.com
Alexis Jandreau Parent Advocate & Coach
352-932-3292
Parenting is tough. Our methods can often lead to conflict and frustration, leaving us with strained relationships with our children. But there is hope. No matter where you’re at, there’s another way. It’s never too late to turn things around. We all start as clueless parents, but we can break free from unhealthy patterns with conscious effort. Let me guide you on this journey and help you build a stronger connection with your child.
Visit my website @ alexisadapts.com
\
Family Psychiatric Services
Family Psychiatric Services offer comprehensive mental health treatment, counseling, and case management aimed at promoting the well-being of individuals and families.
2725 Rebecca Lane, Orange City, FL 32763-8350
(386) 775-0736
Applied ABC
One-on-one sessions and group activities in a warm, nurturing environment
One-on-one sessions in your home, or at school for unmatched flexibility and convenience
In-person or virtual groups designed to improve social skills and build self-confidence
Fun and therapeutic summer programs in a warm, supportive setting
Preventive Behavior and Solutions
If you need help finding an ABA specialist, try giving Victoria Evans a call. 352-874-9802
Add a footnote if this applies to your business
If you have any questions, please contact us. Anyone wishing to remain confidential, please make note in your message.
With Heart, Kathie
Fostering or adopting a child is not for the faint of heart - it's for the stout of heart.
Dr. John DeGarmo