Over the past 39 years, my family and I have opened our hearts and home to countless children through foster care. Some of those stories are filled with laughter, milestones, and unforgettable joy. Others are marked by heartache, hardship, and difficult choices.

Why Share These Stories?
Because foster care is real. It's not always picture-perfect, and it rarely follows a script. But it's worth it. Through the good and the bad, we've seen children grow, heal, and find hope, and we've grown with them.

What You Can Expect in This Section:

• Honest stories from our foster care journey
• The beauty and heartbreak of reunification 
• Challenges raising teens with trauma 
• Moments of connection with children who needed to know they were loved 
• Lessons we've learned—some the hard way 
• And encouragement for those thinking, “Could I do this too?” 

Foster care isn’t easy. But it changes lives—including yours.

When children are removed from their home and placed in foster care, parents are often overwhelmed by confusion and fear. One of the biggest questions families ask in Florida is:

“How long does it take before I get a case plan?”

This is an important question, because the case plan is the roadmap back to your child.

Under Florida Statute §39.6011, the Department of Children and Families (DCF) must create and file a proposed case plan quickly:

• Within 60 days of removal, or 
• At least 10 days before the adjudicatory hearing, whichever comes first.
  The plan must then be reviewed and accepted (or modified) by the judge at a case plan hearing. Once accepted, it becomes a court order that parents must follow.

A Florida case plan lays out three main areas:

1. Permanency Goal – Usually reunification with the parent(s), unless aggravated circumstances exist. 
2. Tasks for Parents – Examples include parenting classes, substance abuse or mental health treatment, maintaining stable housing/employment, and consistent visitation. 
3. Agency & Child Services – DCF must provide referrals, visitation arrangements, and support services. Children may receive counseling, medical care, or educational support. 

Case plans are typically structured around a 12-month reunification timeline, with review hearings every 90 days.

Unfortunately, delays happen. If DCF doesn’t file the plan on time, it can slow down the entire reunification process. Here’s what may occur:

• The judge can order DCF to immediately file the plan. 
• Hearings may be rescheduled to give parents time to review the plan. 
• Parents and their attorneys have the right to object on the record if the plan is late or if they weren’t given meaningful input. 

This matters because every day a child spends in care is a day of uncertainty for both the child and the parent. Florida’s laws are designed to prevent unnecessary delays.

If you don’t receive your case plan on time:

• Speak up in court (through your attorney if you have one). 
• Request more time to review the plan before it becomes a binding court order. 
• Document your willingness to participate in services. 

Remember: the case plan should be a two-way agreement, not just a list of demands. DCF has obligations too.

In Florida, parents should expect a case plan to be set within 60 days of shelter or adjudication. If DCF is late, you have the right to raise the issue and ensure the process is fair.

The case plan is more than paperwork — it’s the path toward reunification. Knowing the timelines and your rights can make a huge difference for your family.

For most young people, turning sixteen means driver’s licenses, first jobs, and the thrill of independence. It’s a season filled with growth, learning, and a few mistakes that help pave the way toward adulthood. But for thousands of teens in foster care, those milestones never arrive. Instead, they age out of the system without the very basics needed to survive on their own.

Every year, more than 20,000 young people age out of foster care in the United States. Many of them leave with little more than a trash bag of belongings and a few hurried goodbyes. Unlike their peers, they don’t have parents teaching them how to budget, cheering them on at driving tests, or helping fill out job applications.

Without these supports:

Fewer than 3% will earn a college degree. 

• One in five will be instantly homeless. 
• Nearly half will struggle with unemployment by their mid-20s. 

These aren’t just statistics. They’re the stories of young adults who were never given the same chance to prepare for adulthood as their peers.

Something as simple as a driver’s license can change everything for a teen in care. Without it, they often can’t get to work, school, or even a medical appointment without relying on others. This barrier locks them out of opportunities before they even begin.

States that have invested in covering the cost of driver’s education and insurance for foster youth have seen enormous improvements in employment and school attendance. Independence starts with mobility.

Job training doesn’t just provide income—it builds self-esteem. Learning how to interview, communicate with managers, and manage a schedule teaches foster youth that they can be reliable, capable, and worthy of opportunity.

Pairing this with financial literacy—budgeting, credit building, and understanding how to avoid predatory debt—gives young adults the skills to create a foundation for their futures. Without it, many fall into cycles of poverty and exploitation.

If we truly want teens in foster care to succeed, we must invest in life readiness programs that go beyond survival and aim for thriving. That means:

• Funding driver’s education and insurance for all foster teens. 
• Expanding job training partnerships with local businesses and community colleges. 
• Making financial literacy a mandatory part of foster care transition planning. 
• Ensuring every teen has a supportive adult to walk alongside them as they learn these skills. 

Children do not choose foster care. They do not choose to be raised in a system that too often leaves them unprepared for life. But as a society, we do have a choice: to turn a blind eye, or to step in and fight for the tools they need.

Helping a young person earn a driver’s license, secure a job, and learn financial responsibility may not sound revolutionary—but for a foster teen, it’s the difference between entering adulthood with fear or with hope.

It’s time to give foster youth more than a system that houses them temporarily. It’s time to give them independence, dignity, and the future they deserve.

The Overlooked Impact of Trauma on Foster Children’s Memory; The loss that comes from trauma and deep depression in foster children isn’t talked about enough.

People expect kids to recount every detail:
“What happened that day?”
“Why didn’t you say something sooner?”
“Are you sure that’s how it happened?”
But what they don’t understand is this: trauma changes the brain.

👉 Foster children, abuse survivors, and deeply depressed youth may not remember
– where they lived
– who hurt them
– timelines or names
– even joyful moments they should’ve held onto

And it’s not because they’re lying or being difficult.
It’s because their brains were focused on surviving, not recording.

🧠 Chronic stress and trauma literally impair memory centers in the brain.
They may forget what was said. Or not form the memory at all.
They may dissociate and feel like they’re watching their life from outside their body.
It’s not manipulation—it’s biology. Instead of asking, “Why can’t you remember?”, ask:

“What can I do to help you feel safe now?”

Because healing doesn’t begin with remembering. It begins with being believed.

In the child welfare world, memory is often treated as evidence. Caseworkers, investigators, and even judges rely on a child’s ability to recall who said what, when events happened, and how they felt. But what if they can’t? Not because they’re lying, but because their brain was too busy surviving to form those memories in the first place?

Trauma Doesn’t Just Hurt the Heart—It Alters the Brain

Foster children and other trauma-exposed youth often experience changes in brain development, especially in areas responsible for memory. Chronic stress and deep depression flood the body with cortisol, damaging the hippocampus (memory center) and shrinking the prefrontal cortex (responsible for decision-making and focus).

• Dissociation: The brain’s way of escaping unbearable pain; it can block entire moments or periods. 
• Cognitive Fog: Depression and PTSD reduce focus and make it hard to encode memories. 
• Sleep Disruption: Kids who aren’t sleeping well can’t process or store new information. 
• Survival Mode: The body prioritizes survival over recording. It’s not about remembering—it’s about getting through. 

• “I don’t remember living there.” 
• “I don’t know why I got in trouble.” 
• “That didn’t happen!” (when it did—because they blocked it out) 
• “I only remember bits and pieces.” 

• Being accused of lying or “changing their story” 
• Caseworkers asking the same questions over and over 
• Adults expecting clear timelines when the child can’t give one 
• Legal systems that treat fuzzy memory as unreliable 

• Safe environments where they aren’t pressured to perform trauma for adults 
• Gentle validation that their confusion is normal 
• Consistent, trauma-informed care that recognizes memory loss is a symptom, not a strategy
  

 It’s time we stop asking traumatized children to be perfect historians of their pain—and start helping them feel safe enough to heal, even if the memories never fully return.

Childhood Trauma Hits So Hard—And How We Help Kids Heal

Imagine depending on someone for your every need—food, safety, affection—while they’re also the source of your fear, confusion, or pain. That’s the reality for countless children in foster care and trauma-impacted homes. These kids don’t get to grow up in safety. They grow up in survival mode.

They learn to tiptoe around adult tempers. To stay quiet. To read the room before they speak. They shrink themselves just to stay safe. And when the very person who’s supposed to protect them causes the harm? It changes everything.

These early experiences can leave invisible wounds that follow a child into adulthood—affecting their ability to trust, regulate emotions, form healthy relationships, and feel a sense of worth. That’s not “bad behavior.” That’s survival still showing up.

But here’s the truth: trauma may shape a child, but it doesn’t have to define them.

Here’s where healing starts—and where we come in:

1. Create Safety—Again and Again
Traumatized kids need felt safety, not just physical safety. That means:

• Predictable routines
• Calm responses to big behaviors
• Safe, stable environments where they aren’t punished for having trauma responses

Children learn they’re safe not just by hearing it—but by experiencing it every single day.

2. Validate Their Feelings
Too many kids have been told, “You’re too sensitive,” “Get over it,” or “It wasn’t that bad.”
Instead, try:

• “That must have been really scary.” 
• “I believe you.” 
• “You have every right to feel this way.” 

Validation is the foundation for trust.

3. Help Them Build Emotional Language
Many kids from trauma don’t know how to name or express what they feel.
We can teach them:

• Through books, games, and visuals like emotion charts 
• Modeling our own emotions out loud: “I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m going to take a breath.” 
• Encouraging safe expression without shame
   

4. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection
Healing is never a straight line. Kids will fall back into old patterns—that’s okay.
Celebrate small victories:

• “You walked away instead of hitting. That’s huge.” 
• “I noticed you used your words today when you were upset.”
  These moments matter. They build confidence, brick by brick. 

5. Surround Them with Safe Adults
Whether it’s a foster parent, teacher, therapist, mentor, or coach—kids need at least one consistent, caring adult who sees their worth.
We help rewrite the narrative:

• From “I’m unlovable” to “I matter.” 
• From “I can’t trust anyone” to “Some people are safe.”

6. Teach Coping Skills, Not Just Consequences Many trauma-exposed kids haven’t learned how to self-regulate. We can model and practice:

• Breathing techniques  
• Sensory breaks  
• Journaling, art, or movement as emotional outlets  
• Reframing negative self-talk
   

7. Remind Them They’re Not Broken
Kids may blame themselves for what happened. Or believe they’re “bad.”
They need to hear—often:

• “None of this was your fault.” 
• “You’re brave for surviving.” 
• “There is nothing wrong with you. What happened to you was wrong.”
   

Healing takes time. It takes consistency. It takes patience most people never see. But every effort you make to show up, to connect, to speak life into a wounded child—it matters. Even if they don’t say it. Even if they push you away.

You are planting seeds that will bloom one day.

If this speaks to you—whether you’re a caregiver, advocate, or someone still healing from your own childhood—you are not alone.

You are not too late. 

You are not too broken.
And neither are they.

 💙 Because They Deserve Better: Florida’s Foster Care System Is Shifting — Slowly But Surely

Florida’s foster care system is seeing some long-awaited changes — and for once, they may actually make life easier for both foster families and the children in their care. From easing licensing headaches to fighting homelessness among youth aging out of care, new policies are beginning to reflect the real challenges families face. But are they enough?

Here’s what foster parents, advocates, and concerned citizens need to know:

If you’re a licensed foster parent in Florida and you’ve ever moved counties, you know the struggle. Redoing training, redoing the home study — it’s like starting over from scratch.

Thanks to House Bill 989, that burden is finally being lifted.

Now, foster families who relocate within the state can transfer their license without jumping through the same exhausting hoops. It’s a small victory, but one that could mean fewer kids removed from homes just because their caregivers moved to a new ZIP code.

Florida’s lawmakers also passed a bill creating a four-year pilot program to recruit professional foster parents trained specifically to care for children with serious behavioral or mental health needs.

These kids often bounce from home to home, face placement disruptions, or end up in facilities, not because they’re bad kids, but because the system is under-equipped.

This new pilot aims to:

• Provide targeted training
   
• Reduce placement breakdowns
   
• Offer more stable, therapeutic environments
   

Will it work? That depends on funding, support, and—frankly—respecting the voices of the families and children involved.

Each year, hundreds of Florida teens age out of foster care and are expected to “make it” on their own, with little more than a bag of clothes and broken trust.

Now, thanks to newly passed legislation, Florida will offer housing assistance to former foster youth who might otherwise face homelessness. The risk is real: 30% or more of youth aging out of care in the U.S. experience homelessness within 18 months.

Stable housing = safer transitions. It's that simple.

One of the most powerful shifts we’re seeing? Youth who’ve been in care are now demanding a seat at the policy table.

Organizations like Florida Youth SHINE are leading the way. These young adults aren’t just sharing their stories — they’re shaping laws.

They’re currently pushing for:

• Guaranteed sibling visits
   
• Easier access to housing vouchers
   
• Expanded support for former foster youth
   

When youth with lived experience speak, we need to stop and listen.

• Over 20,600 children are in foster care across the state
   
• That’s roughly 465 kids per 100,000 residents
   
• Alachua County, like many others, sits above the state average in child removals
   

And while some counties are improving, others are still removing kids for reasons like poverty or lack of housing, not abuse or neglect.

• If you’re a foster parent, get familiar with HB 989. It could protect your license.
   
• If you’ve considered fostering, now’s the time. Florida needs stable, loving homes — especially for older kids and sibling groups.
   
• Support youth advocates like Florida Youth SHINE. Share their work, fund their mission, and elevate their voices.
   
• Write to your legislators to support kinship care, mental health resources, and permanent housing for teens leaving care.
   

Florida’s foster care system is changing — and it needs to. These policy shifts offer hope, but it’s up to all of us to make sure that hope turns into action.

Because every child deserves stability, love, and a fighting chance, not more red tape.

System Exposed in Tyler Perry’s “Straw”

Tyler Perry’s new film Straw, doesn’t just tell a story—it shines a spotlight on a truth far too many families know all too well My

In the opening scenes, we meet a hard-working mother doing everything she can to survive. She sends her daughter to school with an empty belly and dirty clothes—not out of neglect, but out of sheer poverty. But instead of help, she gets the door slammed in her face. CPS arrives, removes her child without offering resources, leaving her shattered and alone. Sound familiar?

This is not fiction. This is real life.

Across the country, children are being removed from loving homes, not because they are unsafe, but because their parents are poor. A forgotten utility bill, an empty fridge, or secondhand clothing becomes “evidence” of neglect. But what it really proves is that the system isn’t built to help—it’s built to punish.

Here's the truth:

• It would cost less to provide support—food stamps, utility assistance, housing vouchers—than it does to fund foster care placements. 
• The trauma of separation damages both the child and the parent emotionally, mentally, and developmentally. 
• Families deserve a chance to heal and grow together, not be torn apart because society failed to provide a lifeline.
   

We must demand better.

✅ Redefine neglect—poverty is not a crime.
✅ Mandate support services before removal.
✅ Stop criminalizing survival.
✅ Protect families by investing in prevention, not punishment.

Let Straw be more than a movie. Let it be a movement.

#ProtectFamilies #StrawTheMovie #AdvocacyTree #ChildWelfareReform #SupportNotSeparation

Hoarder or Holiday Hero?

The Day CPS Mistook Christmas for a Crisis!

I’m a hoarder! Who knew?

Apparently, eight kids, Christmas decorations, boxes of online orders, and a never-ending cycle of laundry means my home screams code red.  At least, that’s what someone thought when they picked up the phone and called CPS.

It was a regular December day — chaotic, busy, full of joy and mild exhaustion — when the doorbell rang. I opened the door to find CPS, my licensing worker, and a police officer standing on my front step. Behind them? A delivery guy dropping off yet another box.

Dumbfounded, I asked what was going on. My worker replied that a report had been made: “possible hoarding, safety hazards due to excessive boxes.”

Excuse me… boxes?

Yes, boxes. You know, those brown cardboard things that arrive from Target, Amazon, or Walmart when you’re trying to make a magical Christmas for EIGHT kids?

The officer picked up the box the delivery guy had just left and handed it to me as they entered my house. I stood there — confused, tired, and honestly a little amused. They walked through my home, inspecting every room while I sat quietly on the couch, waiting for answers.

When they returned, the officer couldn’t stop laughing. He turned to CPS and blurted, “This is Christmas! She has eight kids! This isn’t hoarding — this is Santa’s drop-off point!”

My licensing worker put her head in her hands. CPS asked me a few basic questions like, “Do you need anything?” And at that point, both of us just started laughing. Because what else can you do?

Now, I know clutter and safety are serious concerns in foster care. I get it. But let’s be honest — we’re human. Sometimes, life happens, and baskets of laundry get tossed on the couch so we can sort through them. Sometimes pajamas don’t get folded right away. Sometimes we let the little ones help sort socks, and we end up with odd pairs for days. That’s just life with a big family.

And no, Mary Poppins doesn’t live here — unless she’s disguised as a mom juggling therapy appointments, school runs, doctor visits, caseworker drop-ins, cooking, cleaning, and gift wrapping.

The cherry on top? Turns out the Guardian ad litem (Law Guardian) was behind the report. She had asked my foster son to show her the upstairs. He looked at her wide-eyed and said, “Mom… we have a second floor?” The room erupted in laughter — everyone except her, of course.

So here’s my message to every overworked, over-judged foster parent out there: You are not alone.

We do the best we can with what we’ve got. And sometimes what we've got is a couch full of clean laundry, a house full of love, and boxes of joy waiting to be wrapped.

Keep going. You’re doing better than you think!

 Behind Closed Doors: The Realities of Foster Parenting and the Call for Unity

For five years, I served as a certified MAPP trainer, teaching prospective foster parents about the realities, expectations, and responsibilities of foster care. 

Before stepping into that role, I completed extensive training myself, becoming well-versed in the rules, regulations, and ethical standards required within the system. My job wasn’t just about teaching policies—it was about preparing people for the emotional, logistical, and deeply personal journey that comes with opening their home to a child in need. 

Not only was I a certified MAPP trainer, I was also a full-time foster parent with a house full of children. This meant my students didn’t just get textbook knowledge; they got an unfiltered look into the day-to-day realities of foster care. They heard about the good the breakthroughs, the bonding, the joy. They also heard about the bad, the sleepless nights, the tough behaviors, the endless system red tape. And yes, they saw the ugly too—the trauma, the heartbreak, and the burnout that isn’t often talked about.

Because of this honesty, not everyone finished the course. And that was okay. Foster care isn’t a lifestyle you can step into lightly. But those who stayed? They came out stronger, wiser, and more prepared for the road ahead.

Through my MAPP training and experience, I came to fully understand the inner workings of the foster care system—both the protocols and the promises. I knew the rules. I knew what was expected of foster parents, and just as importantly, what the agency was obligated to provide. From safety regulations to support services, I was well-versed in the responsibilities on both sides.

This knowledge didn’t just make me a better foster parent, it made me an informed advocate. I could speak up not only for the children in my care, but also for fellow foster parents who didn’t always know what they were entitled to, or how to ask for it.

For two years, I also served as the Vice President of the Foster Parents Association, a role that allowed me to work directly with families facing challenges in their foster placements. We stepped in when parents were overwhelmed, frustrated, or at risk of giving up. Our mission was clear: to prevent disruptions whenever possible by offering guidance, peer support, and real solutions.

Many times, it wasn’t about changing the child, it was about empowering the caregiver with tools, encouragement, and the reminder that they weren’t alone. We saw firsthand how critical community and connection are in the foster care journey.

 I also worked closely with Placement, often putting in overtime to help find safe and appropriate homes for children, sometimes even for sibling groups who needed to stay together. I saw the urgency, the last-minute calls, and the weight of trying to prevent children from sleeping in offices or being separated unnecessarily. I didn’t just do my job, I fought for these kids when the clock ran out and options were slim. Often taking these children home myself! 

What many people don’t see behind the scenes is the time spent in hospital waiting rooms at 2 a.m., or answering calls from birth parents in crisis. I wasn’t just a foster parent, I became a lifeline. There were nights when biological parents, scared and arrested for drugs or other charges, called me, not for money, but for emotional support. They were terrified their children would be taken again. And despite the circumstances, they trusted me to be there.

I showed up, not to excuse their choices, but to be a steady presence for the sake of the kids. Because sometimes, the most important thing you can offer isn’t a bed or a meal, but your humanity.

I have always been a strong advocate for birth parents, and I believe they deserve support, not shame. I’ll be sharing more about that in a future blog, but for now, I just want to say this: We’re all in this together. Foster parents, birth families, agencies, and the children we care for, we are all part of the same story. And when we work together with empathy and respect, we give those children the best possible chance at healing and...and hope!

When a child’s voice is being overlooked, it’s crucial to widen the circle of advocacy. Here are several people and entities you can contact beyond the GAL and case manager to advocate for the child:

🔹 

1. Court-Appointed Attorney for the Child or Dependency Counsel

• In some states, children get their own attorney separate from the GAL.
• You can request that the child be appointed legal representation if they haven’t already.
• If there is one, contact them directly—they may not be aware of what’s really going on unless someone speaks up.

🔹 

2. Foster Parent Ombudsman or Advocacy Office (State-Specific)

• Many states (like Florida) have a Foster Care Ombudsman, or a Child Advocate Office where you can report concerns about the child’s treatment, agency misconduct, or caseworker inaction.
• This office investigates concerns independently of the agency.

🔹 

3. The Judge or Magistrate (Indirectly Through Motions or Letters)

• You can submit a caregiver statement or file a formal motion through your attorney (or with permission from the court) to be heard.
• Judges often don’t hear from foster parents or relatives unless formally requested—but they do have the power to change the course of a case.

🔹 

4. CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) – If One Exists

• Not every child has a CASA, but if they do, that volunteer is there to speak solely for the child’s best interest.
• You can request CASA involvement in the case if one is not already assigned.

🔹 

5. State or County Child Welfare Leadership

• Contact the regional DCF supervisor, program administrator, or even state-level child welfare director.
• Document concerns about the caseworker’s conduct, lack of action, or what’s in the child’s best interest.

🔹 

6. Child Welfare Licensing or Quality Assurance

• Every agency is overseen by a licensing body and quality assurance department.
• If you see violations (placement instability, unsafe conditions, medical neglect, educational delays, etc.), report it to them directly.

🔹 

7. Media, Advocacy Groups, and Legislators (when all else fails)

If you’re being ignored and the child is suffering:

• Contact local representatives, child welfare committees, or state senators. Tell them this case is an example of what needs to change.
• Organizations like Children’s Rights, FosterClub, or AdvocacyTree.com (yours) may also help bring awareness.
• Document everything. If you go public, keep child confidentiality intact but highlight systemic problems.

🔹 

8. Mental Health or School Professionals

• If the child is struggling emotionally, you can involve:
   
  • Their therapist, school social worker, or IEP advocate
  • These professionals can submit reports or recommendations to the court that carry weight.

✅ Suggested Action Plan:

1. Document concerns clearly (dates, incidents, impacts on the child).
2. Request a team meeting or staffing—ask for supervisors to attend.
3. Send an email trail to the caseworker, GAL, and others you contact.
4. If safety or serious neglect is involved, escalate immediately to state licensing or an attorney.